Feeling Stupid

Today I put diesel in a car that only takes petrol. Does that make you feel stupid or what?! I mean it wasn't as if I didn't think carefully about it first. I even conferred with 2 other people. And then I went ahead and did it. What I didn't do was to call the guy who lent me the car. Now, that would have been thinking.

I hate feeling stupid. I'm blonde and I'm a woman and when you do something stupid yet get the rolled eyes and the superior look and you don't even need them to speak out loud to know what they're thinking, "Typical. A woman and a car? What do you expect?" I feel like saying, "I'm not stupid. I was in the top 10% of my state in the school leaving exams. I have a law degree. My Dad's a mechanical engineer. I'm not stupid when it comes to cars."

But why do I feel the need to explain? I know I'm not stupid. God knows I'm not stupid. My family and friends love me whether I'm stupid or not. What does it matter?

Doesn't this culture (and I'm talking about the Western variety) place such emphasis on performance? It's not so much who you are, as what you can do and more specifically, what you can do for me. It would be so nice to spend more time caring about people and appreciating them for who they are, but I'm as guilty as anyone else. That's probably why I feel stupid when I do things like this, rather than say to myself, "Oh well. This is a mistake anyone could have made and it's OK to make mistakes anyway. I'm still me no matter what I do."